


Love You But I Gotta Let Go

by FallingLikeThis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Dancing, Familial Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, H/L fluff, Harry's dad is a jerk, M/M, Protective Louis, Secret Crush, the stepping on of toes, trying to live up to someone else's standards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 19:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11408679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingLikeThis/pseuds/FallingLikeThis
Summary: Harry’s father is never going to be satisfied with anything that he does. But maybe that’s okay when his best friend is there, always cheering him on anyway.Prompt 947: The despair of ever living up to his standards.





	Love You But I Gotta Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Sus for picking out the prompt!
> 
> Please excuse (and/or point out) any mistakes because I read over this myself.
> 
> Title is from "XO" by Nightly.
> 
> This fic was written as part of an ongoing challenge. We each select random numbers and are given a specific emotion from the book 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names. To read the other fics written in this challenge, click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShortFic_Challenge_For_Which_There_Is_No_Name/works), or you can find the masterpost on tumblr [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/159679804243/1000-feelings-for-which-there-are-no-names-prompt).

 

“Fuck him,” Louis paces Harry’s room like it’s his own. It might as well be, they’ve been best friends for most of their lives.

“Louis,” Harry chuckles sadly from his perch on the edge of his bed. “It’s okay.”

Honestly, Harry has grown used to letting his father down. It seems to be all he’s capable of doing. The raw feeling in his stomach when his father looks at him, disappointed, yet again, never really goes away. But he’s learned to live with it.

“No, you did something amazing, H,” Louis argues, his words impassioned in a way that makes Harry’s smile widen and his cheeks grow warm at the praise. “Your father should acknowledge that.”

“It’s just an internship,” Harry says with a modest shrug.

Louis stops his pacing to turn and face Harry’s slumped figure, his eyes ablaze with something fierce. Anger at Harry’s father. Pride for his best friend’s accomplishments. “Yeah, an internship that _thousands of people_ applied for.” He stomps over to sit next to Harry, putting a reassuring hand on his thigh. “Don’t let him diminish this, Harry. This is an opportunity that you worked your arse off for and you deserve to celebrate it.”

Harry leans into Louis’ side, exhausted suddenly. He’s so tired of always trying to be perfect for someone who’s never going to see him as anything but a failure. “Thanks, Lou.” At least he has Louis.

Louis slides his arm around Harry’s shoulder and slips his fingers into the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck, massaging his scalp lightly and calling up a storm of butterflies in Harry’s belly.

“How do you wanna celebrate, H?” Louis tilts his head to the side, warm smile directed at Harry where he’s humming in satisfaction, eyes closed, at the ministrations of Louis’ fingers.

Harry shrugs lazily. Now that he’s here, cuddled into the side of his favorite person, Harry really isn’t interested in moving. “I’m good right here with you.”

Louis laughs quietly, dropping his hand from Harry’s hair and wrapping his arm around Harry’s neck instead, making Harry whine in complaint.

“No one told you to stop,” Harry says, pouting at Louis in the hopes of getting him to move his hand back to Harry’s hair.

“I’ll indulge you later,” Louis promises with a laugh pulling away from Harry entirely so that he can stand up from the bed. He strolls to Harry’s closet and throws it open, picking out a shirt and turning to toss it at Harry’s head. “For now, get dressed.” He grins, eyes wide and full of excitement. “We’re going dancing.”

Harry snorts and pulls off his current shirt to replace it with the one Louis threw at him. “I’m holding you to that promise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis waves him off, glancing down at Harry’s naked chest before he’s clearing his throat and turning away to study the other clothes in Harry’s closet.

Harry raises an eyebrow at Louis’ strange behavior but it goes unnoticed. He doesn’t have anything that Louis hasn’t seen before and Louis’ not usually shy about nudity, especially relatively tame nudity. Shrugging to himself, Harry looks down so that he can navigate the buttons on the sheer black shirt that Louis picked out.

“Do you have a preference for where we go?” Louis asks Harry’s shirts, back slightly rigid. If Harry didn’t know Louis so well, he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Harry takes quiet steps until he’s directly behind Louis and brings a hand down on his shoulder, making Louis startle at the touch.

“Are you alright, Louis?” Harry asks, concerned he’s somehow done something wrong around the one person who seems to find worth in everything he does.

“Yeah, I’m great. Just didn’t realize you were such a ninja, mate,” he answers immediately, turning to Harry with a smile and punching him in the arm playfully. 

Harry shakes his head at his best friend with a chuckle. “Payback for all the pranks you’ve pulled on me.”

“Oh yeah?” Louis asks with a gleam in his eye that should probably scare Harry but, honestly, he loves it. “Just remember this moment the next time you find itching powder in your bed.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “You won’t put itching powder in my bed. You sleep in it just as much as I do.”

“Well, I know that, Harold, but I can’t exactly give away my actual prank, can I?” Louis retorts, pushing his fringe out of his face and not waiting for an answer before he’s speaking again. “So, are we going dancing or what?”

“Yeah,” Harry answers biting down a smile to hide how excited he’s getting. He doesn’t want Louis getting smug, and he will if he knows that Harry’s actually looking forward to going out. “Let’s go.”

“Let’s go,” Louis echoes, taking Harry’s hand and dragging him out of his room.

They’re almost out the door, home free, when they run into Harry’s father in the main hall.

“Where are you going?” He asks, ruining Harry’s mood with a single question. “Don’t you have that _internship_ in the morning?” He says the word like it’s diseased or something and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. It’s probably the fact that it’s an unpaid internship that bothers him, he believes in earning your keep and if Harry’s not earning anything, then what good is it?

“I won’t be out late,” Harry answers automatically not even thinking about the fact that his internship doesn’t start for another week. He’s already curling back in on himself, forgetting everything Louis told him to boost his confidence. “Sir.”

“Hm,” Harry’s father grunts, disinterested in what Harry has to say already. His eyes zero in on Louis’ hand holding Harry’s, their fingers entwined, and his natural scowl deepens further. Harry fights the urge to rip his hand away from Louis’ just to please the man, but he aside from the fact that he doesn’t _want_ to let go of Louis, he also knows that it would make no difference. Harry _wishes_ he could blame his father’s behavior on his sexuality. At least then, he’d have a reason for it. But the man has always found fault with him, even before he came out to his parents when he was sixteen. He doesn’t say anything about the handholding, just scowls at them for a moment longer and then turns and walks away.

“Fucking wanker,” Louis sneers under his breath, only loud enough for Harry to hear.

“Let’s get out of here,” Harry says, no longer smiling or feeling the excitement of having just the night ahead of them with good music and Louis by his side. Now, he just feels like he’s suffocating. And he desperately needs some air.

*

“Where are we?” Harry asks as Louis pulls into a parking lot in an area he doesn’t recognize. He probably should have been paying attention on the drive over but he was too busy reliving the scene in the front hall with his father, thinking about what he could have done differently. What he _should_ have done differently.

“It’s a dance studio,” Louis replies, putting the car in park and turning off the ignition. “They have a swing dance class tonight.”

“Swing dancing?” Harry repeats dumbly, eyes staring blankly at the building, some part of him still back home in that hall with his father.

“Gotta get you out of your head, H.”

Louis’ fingers brushing his cheek finally makes Harry pull back to the present, turning to see his friend watching him with concern. “I’m fine,” Harry lies mechanically. He’s been doing it for years, playing off the pain of his father’s disapproval. Louis never buys it. He doesn’t know why he expected tonight to be any different.

“Whatever you’re beating yourself up over,” Louis says, moving his hand to cradle Harry’s jaw delicately, “he doesn’t deserve it. Don’t give him even one more thought, Harry. Save them all for me, okay? For us, tonight.”

Harry nods, staring into the eyes that know him better than any others. If only Louis knew just how many of his thoughts he saves for him.

“We’re gonna go in there and make fools of ourselves and have good time and he’s not allowed to take a single moment of that away from us, alright?” Louis asks, his voice stern but soft and Harry knows there’s no room for argument.

“Okay,” Harry decides easily. This is the way it should be anyway, just the two of them having fun, no dark clouds hanging over them.

“Excellent,” Louis smiles when Harry agrees with him, his thumb caressing Harry’s cheek so tenderly.

Harry closes his eyes and leans into it, just for a second before Louis is taking his hand away. He’s such a sap, he doesn’t know how Louis hasn’t figured out yet that Harry’s totally gone on him. He follows Louis out of the car and into the studio, watching as Louis greets the guy at the door and pulls out his wallet. Harry moves to do the same but Louis stops him, wrapping a hand around his wrist.

“I’ve got this, H,” He grins, handing the guy his money and then pulling Harry into the room by the wrist he’s already holding.

“I could have paid,” Harry argues, feeling a pang in his chest that has everything to do with his father’s opinion that in order to have any worth, one must always be contributing in some way. He tries to keep his promise to Louis though, and he’s mostly able to ignore it as Louis’ hand slips from his wrist down to his hand where he tangles their fingers.

“I know you could have but we’re celebrating, I’m allowed to spoil you tonight,” Louis says, finding them a spot in the middle of the crowd of people that’s milling around, waiting for the class to start.

Harry eyes the instructors nervously. They’re easy to spot, in full on fifties garb, standing in the middle of the room and chatting with each other, laughing easily. “’M’not going to be expected to, like, toss you over my arms or anything, am I? Because I think we both know that will only end with a trip to A&E.”

“Shut up. You think I’d endanger me own life like that?” Louis laughs, squeezing Harry’s fingers. “It’s a beginner’s class. It’s just for a bit of fun. They’ll teach us a few steps and then it basically dissolves into a regular dance for the rest of the night.”

“How did you find out about this place?” Harry asks, gaze moving across the room, trying to take in everyone and everything.

“S’just something I heard about in passing,” Louis says and when Harry looks at him, he’s looking away, biting his lip.

“It’s great, Lou,” Harry tells him, knocking their shoulders together. “Seem like a lot of fun.”

Louis smiles at him again and it almost looks… _shy_. “Thanks, H.”

Harry moves to say more but then one of the instructors is clapping their hands to get everyone’s attention. It’s time to start the class.

 

*

 

“Ouch,” Louis says with a tiny wince and a laugh as Harry steps on his toes again.

Harry sighs, taking a step back so that Louis’ feet are safe from his stupid, clumsy feet. “Sorry.”

“Hey,” Louis says, pulling Harry back in. “C’mere.”

He goes. Reluctantly. Because when does he not willingly gravitate toward Louis? He craves the closeness, he’s not going to fight it, but he doesn’t want to hurt him again either.

“You’re still in that head of yours,” he says, wrapping a hand around the back of Harry’s neck and pulling him down so that their foreheads rest against each other. “Stop thinking. Just move.”

That is a bad suggestion at the current moment. Because if Harry stops thinking, if he just goes where his body wants to go, then he’s going to push Louis up against a wall and snog him senseless. Louis is always there for him, always holding him up and pushing him forward, and Harry is so, so in love with him. Being out with him tonight has only cemented that knowledge.

“Lou,” Harry whimpers, closing his eyes and raising a hand to grasp the back of Louis’ neck too, holding him in place.

“Are you thinking about him again?” Louis whispers and Harry can feel the comforting movement of Louis’ fingers in his hair.

“No,” He answers, just as quietly.

“Then what is it, H? What are you thinking about so hard?”

_Fuck, don’t ask that_.

Harry breathes, his chest tightens. He squeezes his eyes shut more tightly and lets his thoughts spill from his lips. “You,” he says. “All the ways you make me feel worth something. All the times you’ve been my strength. You’re so good to me, Lou,” he chuckles sadly, “and I repay you by treading all over your feet.”

“Look at me, please,” Louis says, something urgent in his tone that has Harry obeying immediately. He smiles upon seeing Harry’s eyes on him. “You _are_ worth something. You’re worth everything, Harry, and I hate your father for ever making you feel like you’re not. And for the record? There’s no one else on Earth that I would rather have stepping all over my toes.” He ends on a wet laugh, eyes filled with such emotion that Harry thinks maybe _he’s_ been the blind one all this time.

Harry nudges his nose against Louis’, a shy, sweet gesture that Louis returns. His mouth tilting just little closer to Harry’s. Harry takes the initiative and dares to close the distance, Louis’ lips soft against his own and Louis wraps both his arms around Harry, pulling him closer in welcome.

“Oh, thank God,” Louis says when they finally pull apart. “I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go without doing that.”

“Me either,” Harry tells him with a smile. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“Are you trying to seduce me, Harold?” Louis asks, raising an eyebrow, the playful gleam that Harry loves back in his eyes again.

“Always,” Harry answers with a laugh, taking him by the hand and tugging towards the door.

“Good answer,” Louis replies, letting himself be pulled.

 

*

 

Harry starts his internship a week later. It’s everything he’d hoped for, if a bit on the exhausting side. But the good thing is, when he goes home at the end of the day, it’s no longer to his father’s condemning words and silent looks of dissatisfaction. Harry’s decided he doesn’t need that negativity in his life.

 So, when he comes home now, it’s to Louis’ loving, waiting arms.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. I hope you liked it. Here is a [fic post](http://suddenclarityharry.tumblr.com/post/162629396227/love-you-but-i-gotta-let-go-fallinglikethis) if you did. I will love you forever if you choose to share it.


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